my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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