apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
