this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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