Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
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I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
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Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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