I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
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Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
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I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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