But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
