Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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