I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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