ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
