Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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