I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
