In the future we'll all be gay
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
