hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
high people should be assigned attendants
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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