idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
