Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
