mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
