That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
