All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
