there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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