That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
