So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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