In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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