I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
