i already hear my dad disowning me
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
