I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
