Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
