seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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