Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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