I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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