trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
