i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
