So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
