two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
