I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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