I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
