There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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