shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize