Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
