I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
