Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You can't special order awesome
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
