There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
