You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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