there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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