Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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