I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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