would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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