It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
