Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
