Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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