Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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