So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
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Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
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Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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