You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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