your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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