Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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