So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the condom got lost in my hair
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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