i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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