it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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