My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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