We won't sleep together?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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