how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
