Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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