I wish I could teleport
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
