smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
