im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
