well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
