I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
