I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
