She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
