Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
