omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
