What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
