I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
