Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
