Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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