Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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