if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
