I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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